Four Failure Proof Ways to Push Through Fear and Self-Doubt.
Self-observations can be a great use of your time as long as it leads to positive things and not into self-flagellation. I have spent a large portion of my working life helping people do just that. In that time, I have discovered that far too many people are on the edge of a breakthrough in their personal life, their relationships, or their business will squander the opportunity by over focusing on self-doubt and fear. The things that surprise me to this day is the fact that many times they are completely unaware of how their self-talk defeats them.
Here is how it usually happens. People say they want something very badly, that they want to change, and theoretically, that they would do almost anything to make the change and get what they want.
However, when it comes time to turn the key, to take the step, it is an entirely different story. For many, when it is time to take the action, they get cold feet and either pause or back out and fail to do what they need to do to get the results they want. Why? The usual suspect is the inner self-doubting voice that has them questioning every move they make in experiencing the changes they want to experience.
Would you like to learn some practical, concrete ways to push back fear? Here are four ways you can begin to press fear back.
1. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
My wife, Angie is no fan of heights. She would almost do anything that was legal to avoid heights. However; my wife is a strong woman who does not like to admit defeat. She is involved with an excellent direct service company called Premier Designs Jewelry and in the year of her sixtieth birthday, she had qualified for a free Caribbean cruise.
One evening, as we were preparing for the journey and looking at different adventures and excursions, she said, "I want to go tandem parasailing at Grand Cayman." Needless to say, I was surprised and yet readily agreed. She went on to say, "I know I need to take action to push back the fear, so let's do this. I am also going to tell some of my close girlfriends what my plan is. That way, I will have positive peer pressure that will hopefully keep me from chickening out." The day came, and with tons of encouragement, we hopped on the boat and headed out. After watching some other couples take the ride, it was out turn. The air was warm; the breeze was gentle as we slipped into the harness. Within a few seconds, we were gently lifted off of the deck, and the winch began to unwind, within a minute or two, we were soaring about 400 feet above the water. As we floated, talked and took it all in, it was inspirational to see the radiance in Angie's face as we look down on our cruise ship, highly harnessed in our parasail.
When we landed back on the deck or the boat, a couple of our friends were giving Angie hugs and high fives.
When all of us returned to the ship that evening, Angie’s accountability partners and friends were overjoyed at what she had done and listened intensely to her story.
You see, when you feel the fear, call it what it is and face it friends will come along side of you to pray for you, encourage you, and walk with you.
All of us experience fear from time to time. What separates people who experience success in their life, and those who willingly give permission for fear to hold them back is the willingness to act in spite of the fear. "Do it in fear!", as my wife would say.
2. Take no apologies - no excuses.
As a young cadet at Georgia Military College in the late 70's, I came under the influence of a seasoned warrior, Command Sergeant Major Scott, one of our military instructors. He was quite a character, soft-spoken but a veteran of WWII, Korean, The Dominican Republic Action, and two tours in Viet Nam. When he spoke, everybody listened because of the respect we had for this leader. He was full of pithy quotes, and one I remember to this day is. "Men, if you are looking for an excuse, anyone will do. Just remember you are accountable for the decisions you make." I have to admit, as a young man, it did not make much sense at the time, but over the years, I have come to appreciate the wisdom he shared.
While some people call them "reasons," people stop themselves all of the time by using rationalizations and excuses. When the "right time: that they have been hoping for presents itself, they will usually make excuses to delay making a decision and not move forward.
The top reasons, particularly in the direct sales business go something like this. "I do not have time." I do not know anybody." My friends and I are too busy." This list goes on.
As Command Sergeant Major Scott said, “When looking for and excuse, anyone will do.”
People will use excuses like a trap door or an ejection seat, an escape that is usually based in self-doubt.
One of the ways of having more of what you want and what God wants in your life is to push back fear and self-doubt. To do this, you will need to hone the skill of developing a no excuses approach.
So how bad do you want to change? You can either have excuses or life changing results; the choice is yours.
3. Be willing to move outside of your comfort zone.
I have to admit, I honestly admire the wild success of Taylor Swift, but I would never want to be a former boyfriend. In an interview a couple of years ago she was asked about another famous singer who consistently used her comfort zone.
Swift said, “One element of Madonna’s career that takes center stage is how many times she is reinvented herself. It is easier to stay in my look, one comfort zone, one musical style. It is exciting to me to see someone whose only predictable quality is being unpredictable.”
Here are some other quotes that will help you think about this:
Taylor Swift “You have people come into your life shockingly and surprisingly. You have losses that you never thought you’d experience. You have rejection, and you have to learn how to deal with that and how to get up the next day and go on with it.”
“I think fearless is having fears but jumping anyway.”
Joel Osteen, “I want to challenge you today to get out of your comfort zone. You have so much incredible potential on the inside. God has put gifts and talents in you that you probably don’t know anything about.”
Bruce Wilkerson - “It is when you begin to think about going to your dream that your dream is always outside your comfort zone. It is always just beyond what you have ever done.”
Adventurer Bear Grylls, “Adventure should be 80 percent, I think it is manageable, but 20 percent where you are just outside of your comfort zone. Still safe, but outside your comfort zone.
Let’s face it, most of us prefer avoiding discomfort with a passion. If you want to progress in your personal life, your relationships and your business, you will have to become more familiar with being out of your comfort zone - for a short time. Will it be scary? Yes, but it will not kill you, and it may even make you a better person.
The key question is - are you willing to exchange short-term discomfort for a better life, richer relationships and a more successful enterprise? If the answer is yes, are you willing to push back the self-doubt and move beyond your comfort zone?
Yes? Here is some great news, increased blessing, joy and opportunities will increase. So get ready!
4. Just do it!
The biggest difference between daydreaming and having a big dream is action!
Wishful thinking will never get you there. You have to engage, take a risk, lean into the self-doubt and fear, you have to “rise from the doubts and fears and walk.” This is the place where the phrase “if it is to be, it is up to me kicks in.” This is the “grown up” location where you declare to yourself that you are solely responsible for your life, and you accept the fact that that you cannot blame others for the choices your have made. Time and time again, this is the place where our negative self-talk, which fuels self-doubt and fear causes us to question everything and keeps us from taking action. I call it decision constipation. This fear and self-doubt are at the bottom of self-sabotage.
Getting a higher and wider vantage point around moving forward with your life starts with a decision. Once you have made that decision, it is time to get down to work and make it happen.
Here are some proven things you can do to make it happen:
• Know your why
• Expand your dream
• Write them down - dream board
• Share the idea with people you trust, the accountability will be an excellent source of help and encouragement.
• Get a coach to help you develop a plan.
• DO IT!
John is a Counselor, Author, Speaker and Photographer that helps people "Get a Grip on Life."