Social Support and Resilience
The importance of intentional connection. By John Thurman, M.Div. M.A., LCHMC
I am so excited to share this important principle with you. To be a resilient person, an individual who is moving forward with their lives is connected. Recently I was tasked to write, produce and lead a webinar for a large DoD agency’s civilian employees call Surviving Stress. In my research, I was able to identify six primary qualities of resilient people. I am very grateful for Dr. George Everly’s book Resilient Leadership and some of the fresh insight I gained into leadership. Hopefully; you can apply some of what I am sharing with yourself or any organization.
In recent blogs, I have discussed the importance of Active Optimism and Integrity.
In this article, I am going to look at the power of connection.
Research shows that healthy and supportive relationships can reduce stress and improve your overall health and sense of well-being.
Novelist and columnist Stephen Marche recently asked the question, "Is Facebook Making us Lonely?" In his article, "From Facebook to Twitter," published in The Atlantic. He notes, "Social media has made us more densely networked than ever. For all this connectivity, new research suggests that we have never been lonelier (or more narcissistic)-and that loneliness is making us mentally and physically ill.
In one rather striking surgery, Marche says, the mean size of networks of personal confidants in the U.S. was shown to have decreased from 2.94 people in 1985 to 2.08 in 2004. In 1985, he adds, "10 percent of Americans said they had no one to whom to discuss important matters, and 15 percent stated that they had only one such good friend. By 2004, 25 percent had nobody to talk to, and 20 percent only had one confidant. I invite you to read the entire article.
I don’t know about you, but these statistics were alarming.
What does this mean? It says that in spite of all of our social media connections we woefully lack in face to face, skin to skin interactions.
Why should we develop our social support systems? Simply stated, if we don't connect we die. Numerous studies are showing how the lack of social support can lead to increased loneliness, depression and anxiety.
I don't know if you remember the disturbing story of Yvette Vickers, the following excerpt is from Marche's article:
YVETTE VICKERS, A FORMER Playboy playmate and B-movie star, best known for her role in Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, would have been 83 last August, but nobody knows exactly how old she was when she died. According to the Los Angeles coroner’s report, she lay dead for the better part of a year before a neighbor and fellow actress, a woman named Susan Savage, noticed cobwebs and yellowing letters in her mailbox, reached through a broken window to unlock the door, and pushed her way through the piles of junk mail and mounds of clothing that barricaded the house. Upstairs, she found Vickers’s body, mummified, near a heater that was still running. Her computer was on too, its glow permeating the space.
The Los Angeles Times posted a story headlined “Mummified Body of Former Playboy Playmate Yvette Vickers Found in Her Benedict Canyon Home,” which quickly went viral. Within two weeks, by Technorati’s count, Vickers’s lonesome death was already the subject of 16,057 Facebook posts and 881 tweets. She had long been a horror-movie icon, a symbol of Hollywood’s capacity to exploit our most basic fears in the silliest ways; now she was an icon of a new and different kind of horror: our growing fear of loneliness. Indeed she received much more attention in death than she did in the final years of her life. With no children, no religious group, and no immediate social circle of any kind, she had begun, as an elderly woman, to look elsewhere for companionship. Savage later told Los Angeles magazine that she had searched Vickers’s phone bills for clues about the life that led to such an end. In the months before her grotesque death, Vickers had made calls not to friends or family but to distant fans who had found her through fan conventions and Internet sites.
Such a sad story.
Why is it so important to have an active social support network?
First, it essential to life. Even the Bible talks about the importance of being connected on a personal level. Doing life together is good for your health.
Second, many researchers have discovered that social support if one of the key components in recovering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Third, being connected can have a positive impact on your income.
Fourth, sharing your life with others invites them to share their life with you.
Fifth, having social support makes you stronger both in your personal life and in your relationships. The ancient wisdom contained in the Book of Ecclesiastes says “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”
So, how can you begin to be intentionally connected? However, all relationships are not equally supportive. Building a network of supportive friends, or even just one supportive relationship can be vital to your wellbeing. Here are some essential skills that can help you to build relationships with people that are supportive and sustaining.
How to Meet New People
One of the most rewarding things you can do to build resilience and enrich your life is to be intentional about building relationships.
I just finished listening to Jeff Goins’ new book Real Artist Don’t Starve. He does an excellent job of revealing how many famous authors, artist, and leaders were able to hone their craft in the context of intentional. It is a fantastic read, which demonstrates the importance of being connected.
I hope you will begin intentionally engaging others.
Resilience and Integrity
I am glad that you are making a choice to read by blog, my hope is to enrich your life by some of the lessons that I have learned along the way.
In the first piece on resilience, we talked about the top 6 characteristics of resilient people.
Let’s take just a second to review a definition of resilience.
Resilience is the ability to resist the manifestations of clinical distress, impairment, or dysfunction that are often associated with critical incidents, acts of terror, mass disasters, and personal trauma.
Dr. George Everly, Psychological Body Armor.
The first characteristic of a resilient person was active optimism.
The second is Integrity.
Simply said: Integrity is choosing courage over comfort; choosing what is right over what is fun, fast or easy; and choosing to practice our values rather than professing them. (Pinterest post)
Another way of looking at integrity is it gives you a real, fresh, and profound freedom because there is no hidden agenda, no slight of hand, being honest. C.S.Lewis said that integrity is doing the right thing when no one is looking.
A resilient person lives in factual reality. They maintain situational awareness, meaning that they are in tune with what is going on around them, and that take affirmative action to use opportunities to their advantage and to serve others.
So, how would you grade yourself in the integrity department?
Just something to think about as you learn to become a more resilient person.
I would love to hear from you. Feel free to comment.
(c) 2017 John Thurman
Image by Danny Gilleland
A New First for Father's Day
This will be the first Father’s Day that we will not be able to talk. He left this earth just a few weeks after my momma passed away. My Dad, J.H. (Howdy) Thurman died on January 11, 2017. Being the first born in my family, Dad and I had a long, rewarding relationship. Through my crazy teen years even up to the week before he died, Dad was always filled with encouragement and a good story.
A few weeks after returning from his funeral in Fort Valley, Georgia, a pastor friend of mine asked what I missed the most. I told him, “Thursdays.” He said, “What?” Then I told him that for over 20 years I called Dad on Thursday. Typically, these calls would provide him with updates on our kids and grandkids, as well as details about what my wife and I were doing in our businesses and ministries. He would update me on mom, my brothers and sister and then, being a true smalltown gentleman, he would update me on who had passed since out list call.
When he would share the news about friends and coworkers dying he would always be somewhat philosophical saying something like, “When you get as old as your mother and I you attend a lot more funerals than weddings.”
You know, I do miss Dad. While I will be with my children and my three grandsons this Sunday, I will deeply miss my phone calls with Dad.
With that in mind, I wanted to share an article that my friend and sometimes editor, Lee Warren published in Women’s Day Magazine. Lee lost his father several years ago, so this article comes from deep within his heart. As we approach Father’s Day, I hope you will allow his words to sink into a deep place within your heart. I hope you have a blessed Father’s Day.
A final thought before you go to my Lee's powerful article. If you need to get things cleared up with your Dad, but all means do so.
Would love to hear from you.
Overcoming Fear with Resilience
by John Thurman
What makes people move through tough times?
In my last post, I talked about resilience and its importance in being an overcome in life. Resilient, tenacious people make things happen.
My friend and mentor, Dr. George Evelry has made it his life mission to understand resilience and the impact it has on people. In his first book Resilient Child (2009), he looked at factors which influenced children on the road to resilience. In 2012, his book Resilient Leadership (Everly, Strouse,& Everly), he was able to identify and explain leadership factors which build resilience in their teams and organizations. The undaunted researcher continued his studies and released the book Stronger (Everly, Strouse, & McCormack, 2015). In this resource, he looked into the psychological and behavioral factors present in professional athletes, U.S. Navy Seals, as well as those civilians and wounded service members who recovered from catastrophic injury.
What I find most exciting about his research is his discoveries can enable us to understand ourselves as we seek to have an impact on our families, ministries, and work.
The first trait of a resilient person has engaged optimism. The core belief that life events will turn out well, mainly because one believes she/he possess the ability to assist in making things turn out well. For the Christian, it may sound like the Apostle Pauls reminder in Philippians 1:6, "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."
One of the keys to understanding active optimism is to realize it is not some “pie in the sky, the world is all rainbows and lollipops.” Dynamic optimism is based on having realistic expectations.
Another key to understanding dynamic optimism is to understand the term self-efficacy. This term was coined by Dr. Albert Bandura (1977; 1997) and means “beliefs in one’s capabilities to organize and execute the courses of action required to produce given attainments.” Another definition is the person’s belief in his or her ability to succeed in a given situation.
My question is; Why do so many Christian businessmen and women, ministry leaders, and others struggle with this idea.
I think it is because of our mindset. I do not believe it is a matter or faith, but more about our mindset.
So John, what are some things I can do to increase my optimism?
Part of developing active optimism has the right mindset.
Dr. Carolyn Dweck’s book Mindset: The new Psychology of Success looks into this matter with great skill and practical insights.
Here is an excerpt from one of my blogs from a couple of years ago.
First, choose to shift into a “growth mindset.”Dr. Carol Dweck, the author of Mindset, spent her life researching the origins of mindsets, their role in motivation and self-regulation, and their impact on achievement and interpersonal processes. Her findings give us two options, a growth mindset or a fixed mindset.
A “fixed mindset” is one in which you believe you are born with a particular set of talents, abilities, and intelligence—all of which are unchangeable. Some people with a fixed mindset may find it harder to experience life change and growth. As a result, a fixed-mindset person fails to develop his abilities and is more likely to give up or become distracted and feel depressed when he fails to make the grade in his own eyes. I believe this is where so many fruitless Christians are stuck; they believe they have no power to change, which is a lie from the pit of hell. In my first book Get a Grip on Depression, I reveal six of the most common, fixed mindsets, or "stinking thinking" patterns that can hold us back. Why not order a copy today.
A person with a growth mindset begins in a different place. When you have a growth mindset, you see yourself and others as more flexible, adaptable, and hopeful. Way down inside, you know the potential for growth and development. With faith, the proper motivation, effort, moral compass, and concentration you have the ability to make the changes you need to make. A person who has a growth mindset does not take failure so personally. That individual tends to see failure as an opportunity for growth. If one path does not work, then the person will try another.
As a Christian therapist, I believe the Bible continually teaches the benefit of being growth-minded. I believe God is active in time, space, and history and He has an active, life-fulfilling plan for each of us. The Bible gives us truth, hope, and stories of those who have gone before us and have found such purpose.
From my struggle in this area, I know working toward a growth mindset in the middle of depression may seem close to impossible. However, the truth found in the Bible is, “For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength”(Philippians 4:13 NLT). This confidence is not some magical incantation or mystical, spiritual event, but it is a process or a journey.
In addition to checking out your mindset here are four more ways to increase active optimism.
1.Being successful at something. Actual success builds the belief that one can be successful in the future. Past successes, no matter how small are the building blocks for future successes.
2.Vicarious experiences (observational learning, modeling, imitation) increase the overall confidence of people observes the actions of others. For example, my wife is a Senior Leader in Premier Designs Jewelry; she has been involved with this outstanding company for the past 25 years. Over these two and a quarter decades she has shared her story of abuse, recurrent major depression and suffering a Moderate Traumatic Brain Injury and how she built her business in spite of those challenges. Her hope is by sharing her story; she will inspire her audiences to embrace their challenges with a growth mindset and trust the Lord to bless.
3.Verbal persuasion and encouragement from others enhance self-esteem and resilience. Parents, leaders, coaches, co-workers and teammates have a positive impact on self-efficacy. These various sources of support help set the stage for success. Finding a supportive and encouraging mentor can mean the difference between failure and success in nearly every area of one’s life.
4. Learning to control one’s impulses, emotions, and reactivity under stress and adversity can convey a confidence which translates into proactive resilience.
So what do you want to do? Are you happy where you are? Alternatively, do you want to work on a reset, moving towards a growth mindset, and a more optimistic world view? The Lord put you on this earth to have an impact! One of the ways you can move out of the shadows and into the light is to open your mind to the things the Lord wants to show you and have the courage to live with an optimistic world view.
I’d love to hear what you think. Feel free to leave a comment.
(c) 2017 John Thurman All rights reserved.
Resilience in Your Life
Key Points to Living Intentionally by John Thurman
Resilience began to show up in the workplace and in popular culture in the early 2000’s. I had the joy of having published an article in Christianity Today’s Woman in 2008, called Bounce Back, which was about applying resilience to relationships
Since the term resilience is a relatively refreshed word in out culture, I want to give you a baseline definition of the term. Resilience is defined as the ability to withstand, adapt, or rebound from extreme challenges or adversity. Developing this characteristic will help you have a definite edge in your daily living. Resilience combined with an understanding of stress inoculation will help you live a life without fear, a life of hope, a life of helping others because you first helped yourself. Hmm, seems like a concept from some piece of ancient literature.
“And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31New Living Translation (NLT)
If you look in the Old Testament Book of Leviticus 19; 9-FF you will notice a very practical activity farmers and vineyard owners were commanded to do. They were to leave some of the abundances of their crops in the field or on the vine for others to be blessed with their abundance.
I hope you do not miss this important point, as I become more intentional, more focused, more successful others will be blessed.
Why is it so important to grasp this concept? Because all of the indicators point toward the fact that resilient people make a resilient organization, and resilient organizations can have a dynamic, kinetic, and positive impact on the world.
Recently I was tasked to write, produce and lead a webinar for a large DoD agency’s civilian employees call Surviving Stress. In my research, I was able to identify six primary qualities of resilient people. I am very grateful for Dr. George Everly’s book Resilient Leadership and some of the fresh insight I gained into leadership. Hopefully; you can apply some of what I am sharing with yourself or any organization.
Here are the six. I will cover the concepts two at a time over the next three weeks, plus I will also post a version of Surviving Stress up as a podcast in the next few weeks.
Here are the Six Qualities of Resilient People.
1.Optimism, faith or sense that no matter what happens that things will work out.
3.Social support both inside and outside of the workplace
4.Being decisive and taking responsibility
5.Perseverance and tenacity
I hope this article encouraged you to learn more about resilience. This important principle is a “must have” if you are going to succeed in any endeavor.
This summer, my new book, Get a Grip on Fear, published by Bold Vision Books, is going to deal specifically with the six common fears people face in life, in addition to talking about the fears, I will be sharing practical, “best practices,” and Bible studies to help you with fear. Many of those personal, transformational principles are rooted in the principle of resilience.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this article. Let me know your thoughts. I hope you have an outstanding week.
(c) 2017, John H. Thurman J.r, All rights reserved.
By John Thurman
For the past few weeks I have been up to my eyeballs in finishing up my soon to be released second book, Get a Grip on Fear: A Primer for Entrepreneurs, that is the major reason that I have not posted anything since Holy Week.
I have been thinking about my relationship with my wife Angie for the past few weeks, in light of the loss of my parents as well as some of the exciting growth that we as a couple are experiencing I wanted to take a moment to encourage you in your marriage.
You deserve to be in a meaningful and rewarding relationship! The question is; are you ready to do your part to make it happen?
Relationships are tough because we think we are normal and everyone else is weird or “disordered.” This attitude shows up in many male/female relationships. Suddenly your prize has become a surprise. When it all comes down to it, I believe that in many ways women are more complex than men.
For instance, think about your personal care items when you travel. This week I will be head back East and today I was checking my “go bag” to make sure all of the necessities are in there As a guy I have toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, floss, and cologne. If you noticed my picture, I do not require a comb. My wife on the other hand has all that plus hair care products, lotions, facial treatments, on and on it goes. She says its because when men travel we tend think about the context of being functional while women tend to think about being fashionable.
One part of building a stronger relationship and winning your woman’s heart is to know what you need to be doing.
The first things guys can do to make their woman happy is to see your relationship as a job. Ladies, I know this doesn’t sound very romantic, but the findings are based on solid research.
Guys, here is your job description for being in a long-term relationship.
First, love her, honor her, and respect her.
Second, be sexually and emotionally faithful to her. This means both in the real world and in the digital world.
Third, listen to her without being judgmental. We guys are hard wired to problem solve. Sometimes she does not need that. She just wants us to listen.
Fourth, support and nurture her ambitions both in and outside of the home.
Fifth, make a honest effort to understand how she is different emotionally. Our mission is not to change her, but to acknowledge and respect our differences as men and women.
Sixth, be honest and always do what you say you will do. There is no room for lies about infidelity, addiction issues, or other important matters that reflect who you are. Be accountable for what’s important – the crucial stuff, your promises.
Seventh, share in child care and domestic work.
Eighth, be attentive, fun-loving, and pursue her like you did when you were first dating.
Ninth, be affectionate. This means more than cuddling or holding hands, but a deep sense of connection. If a woman doesn’t feel connected to you, she will leave you at some level.
Let me know what you think.
Holy Week 2017 by John Thurman.
Holy Week 2017 is here, and what a start. As I am writing, the networks are sharing a breaking news stories about two attacks on two Egyptian Coptic churches on this Palm Sunday. ISIS (Daesh) is taking credit for the horror. It seems that horror is never far away from you in the Holy Land.
In the interest of full disclosure, this will be a different type of blog from me this week.
When Jesus rode the donkey into Jerusalem on the first Palm Sunday, the Jews were under the Roman Empire’s heel. Zealots were killing Romans and Roman sympathizers, a pretty rough season in Israel’s history. By the end of the week he will be brought up on false charges, be beaten, betrayed, crucified, buried, but, well you know the rest of the story, he arose!
As we celebrate this special season, I would like to take a moment and reflect on the status of our brother and sister believers living in the Middle East and North Africa area.
While Palm Sunday is the traditional beginning of the holiest week in all of Christendom, today also marks the untimely death of over forty Coptic believers
Many of you know that over the past several years I have been blessed to work with several nongovernmental agencies, primarily in the Levant region of the Middle East. The term is occasionally employed to refer to contemporary events, peoples, states or parts of states in the same region, namely Cyprus, Egypt, Iraq, Israel, Jordan, Lebanon, Palestine, Syria, and Turkey are sometimes considered Levant countries. In these trips, I have had the chance to talk to missionaries, relief workers, and local believers, as well as their Muslim neighbors. In these discussions, I would occasionally ask them about the status of Christians in that part of the world. Two to one, they shared how dismayed they were about how many Christian, who grew up in the Holy Land are leaving the area. This was something I had heard about but have only now begun to understand how significant this migration has been.
Let me share some interesting facts about this dilemma.
The following is from Dr. David L. Johnstons’s blog Christians Caught in the Crossfire. Be sure to check out the full article by clicking on the link. This was written in March 2014, there have been some obvious changes with some of the current issues with Syria and ISIS (Daesh).
Why the exodus?
Colin Chapman, Anglican clergyman and Islamicist who taught for many years at Beirut’s Near Eastern School of Theology gave a lecture on the past, present and future of Middle East Christians (available here). Here are some of the challenges, he said, that all Christians in the region are facing:
1. An identity crisis: “In cultures in which it is assumed that ‘Arab’ means ‘Muslim,' Christians are made to feel that they don’t belong.” Yes, they massively contributed to the 19th-century Arab literary, scholarly and cultural.
2. A ghetto mentality: Because of many legal restrictions against them and an often difficult minority status over the centuries, Christians tend to fear their Muslim neighbors and despise them.
3. A fear of Muslim radicalism: with the rise of international jihadism since the mid-1990s Christians wonder if that might not become the true face of future Mideastern Islam.
4. Economic hardship: Arab Christians are well educated, but squeezed by a stagnant economy without job prospects for the youth.
5. American foreign policy: even with the US pulling out of Afghanistan and Iraq, Arabs in general (you can add Turks and Iranians), who have suffered from arrogant and aggressive colonialist policies in the last two centuries, still see the founding of the State of Israel, the continued Israeli occupation of Palestinian lands, and current US hegemony in the region as more of the same. Christians, as a result, have often been seen as secretly allied to the “Christian West” and have paid a heavy price for it. But never before has violence against Mideast Christians flared up as it has in this new century – hence, the last point I add myself, building on Chapman’s third point.
6. The new wave of violence against Middle East Christians: Imam Yahya Hendi, President of Clergy Beyond Borders, quotes Azizah al-Hibri, professor of law at the University of Richmond and founder the influential Islamic feminist website Karamah (“Muslim Women Lawyers for Human Rights”) in an article that calls on Muslim leaders to stem the tide of Christians leaving the region:
“The desecration of cemeteries in Libya, the murder of clergy in Iraq and Syria, the attacks on churches in Egypt are all beyond the imaginations of civilized nations and educated, spiritual region. Recently, suicide bombers targeted worshippers leaving their church in Peshawar and killed at least 60, including women and children and two Muslim policemen guarding the church. A gang of armed terrorists attacked a couple of weeks ago, the sleepy village of Ma’loulah in Syria. Several of its inhabitants were killed, its historic monasteries and churches were pillaged, and the crosses were removed.”
Plenty of other Muslim leaders and scholars are speaking out as well. I want to single out two, in particular, Hussein Ibish and Reza Aslan. Ibish was born in Beirut, earned a Ph.D. in comparative literature at the University of Massachusetts and taught Islamics at the American University of Beirut. Today he is best known in his country as a prolific writer and journalist, though he is also a Senior Fellow at the American Task Force on Palestine and based in Washington, D.C. Already in April 2013, he published an article entitled, “Fate of Christians will define Arab Future.” The incident which sparked the piece was an Islamist attack on a funeral service in the Coptic Cathedral in Cairo which killed two people and injured ninety. This kind of attack, he writes, sends shivers down his spine:
“As Egypt goes, so goes the Middle East. If the Coptic community of Egypt is thus abused, disparaged, and attacked, what kind of societies are emerging in the Arab world? The regional implications are chilling.
Pluralism will be unattainable if long-standing, and traditionally well-regarded Christian communities cannot be respected. Forget about skeptics, agnostics, or atheists. Never mind smaller religious groups like Yezidis, Alawites, Baha'is, and Druze. If ancient, large Christian communities find the Arab world fundamentally inhospitable, Muslims will turn on each other just as readily.”
“The bottom line is this: if the Arab world, and the broader Middle East, cannot accommodate Christians and other minorities, it won't be worth living in for anybody. And if the region emerges from a period of ethnic and sectarian conflict – of mountanish inhumanity when minorities are hounded out of areas in which they have lived for generations and been an integral part of the culture – those societies will one day look back on it as an unprecedented calamity.”
I hope that you will take a look at the entire article.
I have shared all of this with my Christian friends to raise awareness and to shed some light on what is going on in the cradle of Christianity over 2000 years ago.
As we move through the rest of Passion Week and reflect on the week before Christ’s death, burial and resurrection let us be reflective and prayerful as we remember the price Jesus paid for out sins, but let also remember the Christian throughout the world who are under persecution.
Thanks for taking a moment to read this post, I hope you have a meaningful Easter as we celebrate His Resurrection.
He Is Risen!
Next week: What Easter teaches us about fear.
Recently I attended my first roller derby game in Albuquerque, and was I surprised. My memories of roller derby were from the 70's and 80's with the indoor tracks and a bunch of tough looking ladies were put to rest as I observed these atheletes in Albuquerque.
This event was outdoors and not nearly as rough and tumble as I thought it would be. While it is a very physical sport it is also one that uses tactics in a very strategic way.
I took this photo of a young mother of a foiur year old who is looking to make a scoring move. Can you see the determination on her face? She has a dream, a goal, and she is intent on making it happen.
What is your dream? Is it to build a business, write a book, improve your financial situation, have more money to donate to a worthy cause? Will you see it come to pass in your life? I know that there is a part of you that hopes you will. But will you engage the process that will make it happen?
Everything starts in your mind and your hearts. Every great invention, book, poem, a piece of art or new business idea grew out of a thought and idea that someone had. They stuck their head above the crowd, took a different path and believed that their dream, idea or thought was a possibility. Right now take a moment and ask yourself, “What if I was able to _______?” For just a moment think about a big dream that you believe that God has planted in your heart. Don't let those old negative thoughts and feelings of fear a failure get in the way. Think about how that dream or vision could impact your personal life, your family, your church, your business, and your community.
Sounds great! Are you feeling motivated? I hope so, but allow me to help you see how fear can steal your dream and then give you some steps to push that fear aside.
My friend, Dr. Charles Lowery, is a gifted speaker, psychologist, and human behavior expert. Several years ago I had the joy of working with him on a church staff in Albuquerque. As a mental health professional, and associate pastor, Charles and I had some shared interests from helping people to know Christ and make him known, to understanding human behavior.
I have heard him speak on fear many times, and I’ve always remembered two power acrostics that he uses to describe fear:
Forget Everything and Run
False Evidence Appearing Real.
I would like to add a third:
Forever Exploring Another Route.
Think about that for just a minute. Fear almost always causes us to study another path, one that is potentially less damaging and dangerous, but also less rewarding. In this way, fear keeps us in check and holds us back. Ultimately, forever exploring another route will lead you to a place of defeat, self-doubt and second guessing yourself. If you are going to push back fear, you will most likely have to face this tendency to explore another route and get over it, to pursue your dream.
I believe that God plants dreams in our hearts and minds. Here is the kicker, while he may plant the seed, we must water the idea, nourish the dream, and do our part to make it become a reality.
My friend, Gayle Rogers Foster, whose father was a world renown preacher, Dr. Adrian Rogers, is a disarmingly honest Executive Director in Premier Designs Jewelry. I have known her for most of the twenty-five years that my wife and I have been involved with this outstanding direct service company. I have deep respect for her insight into people her love for the Lord and her business insight.
“I thought of this profound business wisdom in my sleep. I'm writing it down and posting it before I even get out of bed.
1). Do something.
Praying, wishing, dreaming, planning, goal setting, having a great attitude, being teachable, being humble, having integrity, etc., etc. is all great. But NOTHING happens until you do something.
2). Follow through.
Contact without follow through is nothing more than a sacrifice bunt. All you do is put someone in scoring position for someone else to drive home.
3). Don't be weird.
Do something and follow through in a natural, normal, pleasant, friendly, relational way. Don't make people want to run, or hide, or screen their calls, or block your messages, or defriend you. Don't stalk your prey, don't harass, don't get in people's private space, don't be intense.
There you have it. The business wisdom of the ages. Given to me while I was sleeping. Pretty simple. And what I've done to build my business for 27 years now while I was NOT sleeping tells me this will work.” Gayle Foster.
I'd love to hear your comments.
Personality Styles: The Compliance Specialist
By John Thurman, parts of this article were richly influence by Understanding How Others Misunderstand You.
Well, this is the final installment on the introduction to the Personality Styles.
Once again, Thanks for your emails and other conversations, I am glad that you are finding this helpful.
As I have mentioned in the previous blogs, personality is the motor that drives behavior.
I have spent the past two decades helping business men and women, ministry leaders, as well as service member leaders understand their personality styles as well as gaining insight into the styles of their teammates. I hope you will glean some fresh nuggets of truth as we spend a little time together looking at some of the unique ways that God has hardwired you.An individual's unique combination of these four factors influences his or her success at work in three main ways. Firstly, it determines how and why we're motivated to achieve individual goals – for example, people who score high on extraversion are more motivated to reach a goal if there's a reward involved. Secondly, personality affects our mood, which in turn affects the way we respond to people and situations at work. Studies have found that conscientiousness and agreeableness indirectly affect organizational citizenship behavior via their impact on job satisfaction – simply put if we're happier in our jobs, businesses, and day to day lives, we're more likely to be better ‘citizens' at work. Thirdly, our personality profile affects our interpersonal relationships, making it an important determinant of job success when that work involves getting along with other people.
Now for the Compliance Specialist.
Have you ever noticed that there are seasons in life when we don’t just need outcomes, but quality outcomes, which result in things done with precise accuracy? Long before we arrived on the planet, God, the Creator, and Sustainer of the Universe created a universe based on efficiency, order, and quality.
When you need every t crossed and every I dotted, just as God did when the time came to reveal the 10 Commandments, we can see that he used a person who was very high in the Compliance category. That could be why God chose Moses, to accurately proclaim His law to the Hebrews.
We have already seen how the Dominant personality style sets their sights on the objective and vigorously pursues it, generally choosing to live by his/her rules along the way. The Influencer arouses the people, always motivating and encouraging them to give their best. The Steadiness person is a rock of support, a team player, and someone who can count on to be loyal.
The person who is high in the Compliance style prefers to set the standard for the group and expects everyone to comply, always ensuring accuracy, quality, and order. The person with High Dominance will get us over the mountain, to be sure, but the High Compliance person will get us over with everyone and everything in its place, at the proper time and destination, and within budget.
The Compliance Types are generally:
Would love to hear your thoughts regarding the personality styles.
Be looking for an email next week announcing how you can register for a free one-hour overview of the personality styles and how they can be applied to a Direct Service/Sales business like Premier Designs.
Personality Styles: The Influencer and the Steady Style
by John H. Thurman Jr., M.Div. M.A. LCMHC.
Thank you for your comments, emails concerning the Dominant personality style, I am excited to share with you the second personality style, the Influencer, but first a quick review.
Personality is the motor which drives behavior. It's consistent over time and across situations and has been proven to predict our success at work over the course of 50 or more years.
I have spent the past two decades helping business men and women, ministry leaders, as well as service member leaders understand their personality styles as well as gaining insight into the styles of their teammates. I hope you will glean some fresh nuggets of truth as we spend a little time together looking at some of the unique ways that God has hardwired you.
An individual’s unique combination of these four factors influences his or her success at work in three main ways. Firstly, it determines how and why we're motivated to achieve individual goals – for example, people who score high on extraversion are more motivated to reach a goal if there's a reward involved. Secondly, personality affects our mood, which in turn affects the way we respond to people and situations at work. Studies have found that conscientiousness and agreeableness indirectly affect organizational citizenship behavior via their impact on job satisfaction – simply put if we're happier in our jobs, businesses, and day to day lives, we're more likely to be better ‘citizens' at work. Thirdly, our personality profile affects our interpersonal relationships, making it an important determinant of work success when that work involves getting along with other people.
I want to encourage you to read all four post as there will be one the first week, two this week and one more the second week of March. But more on that later.
Over the years I have worked as a professional counselor, author, leadership development consultant and personality expert, having been certified in Myers-Briggs, the DISC, as well as Florence Littauer’s Personality Model using the Choleric, Sanguine, Phlegmatic, and Melancholy labels.
My personal choice for business people is the DISC Model.
The second style in the DISC model is the Influencer.
Whereas the High D strives to set the pace, the Influencing personality style initiates with poise and persuasion. The High I has an uncanny ability to provide practical insight to assist and encourage others to carry on, particularly if the as discouraged.
The Influencer Types are:
• Optimistic, fast-paced
• Trusting, accepting
• Approachable, affectionate, and understanding
• Socially oriented
• Enthusiastic, persuasive, and likes new ideas
• Appropriate affection
• Big Picture
• Influential-brings others along
• Forward-looking, risk taker
• Need for personal recognition
• Fear of social rejection
• Can be disorganized at time
• Can be too trusting sometimes gullible
Controls others by their ability to be Charming.
Biblical characters who were predominately high I
The Steadiness Personality
As I have started earlier, the Dominant and Influencer are the big picture people, the risk takers and movers and shakers. While they can generate a lot of energy, ideas, and concepts to be more efficient, they need a base, anchor, or axle.
The world needs people who can act as anchors, keep things in reality, and help an organization keep their feet on the ground.
The Steadiness personality style is the person who is the pragmatic, consistent, stabilizer which is an outstanding, loyal, intuitive team player. Their presence can be a strong asset to any team.
The Steadiness Types are generally:
• Predicable, slower, steady pace
• Peaceable, Relaxed
• Loyal and discerning
• Peace, quiet, predictability
• Feeling of worth and value
• Lack of stress
• Does not usually seek leadership
• Supportive, intuitive
• Prefers a participatory style of leadership
• Consistent, but somewhat risk averse
• Fearful on conflict
• Can be resistant to change
• Can use a passive aggressive style to maintain control
• Under stress, will tend to isolate
Controls others by using procrastination.
Biblical characters who were predominately high S
• Martha, Jesus’ friend
Next week we will look at the Compliance Style.
As a reminder, we are all made up of various combinations of these personality styles, and event they can shift somewhat depending on the situation.
Next week I will announce the time and date for our free personality style webinar.
Let me know what you think!
For more information check out these titles:
My long time Friend Dr. John Trent developed a wonderful, fun, easy to explain model of personalities that I think you will enjoy. He has a free LOGB test that you can take on his informational and informative website.
Personality Plus at Work, by Florence Littauer. Florence has been writing on the personality styles for years.
Understanding How Others Misunderstand You, Ken Voges & Ron Braund
John is a Counselor, Author, Speaker and Photographer that helps people "Get a Grip on Life."