John Thurman, Counselor, Speaker
Thursday, May 23, 2013
professional Christian counselor, overcoming depression, Crisis Response Specialist, anxiety, infidelity recovery, affair proof marriages, men's issues,sexual addictions, infidelity,
Eight Ways to Win with Your Wife
Eight ways to Win Your Wife’s Heart - Part #1 of 8
By John Thurman, Adapted from The Secrets of Happily Married Men, By Scott Haltzman, M.D.
I recently met Dr. Haltzman at a the Marriage Fiesta in Albuquerque. He is an energetic presenter, refreshing presenter, and a uniquely credentialed Mental Health Professional. He is a psychiatrist who does marriage therapy, a rare combination. As an author, he has written several, practical books on marriage and I recommend them all. Most of the research he used was based on web-based surveys, so the content is very fresh.
Here is a brief over view of the One of the Eight Ways a Man Can Win His Wife’s Heart
First-Make Marriage Your Job - Here is the Job Description
If building your marriage is your job, what are the expectations for the company?
To Love, Honor, and Respect Her.
From these roots, most of us shared in our weddings come all things good in a marriage.
To Be Sexually and Emotionally Faithful.
No one issue better defines marriage than the promise of sexual fidelity, and I believe that all men know this.
To Listen Without Being Judgmental.
Since 95 percent of the all Nobel prizes go to men, you’ve got to believe that men know how to solve problems. The problem is that your wife may not need you to solve her problems; sometimes she just needs to know that you’re there by her side.
To Support and Nurture Her Ambitions in and Outside the Home.
Roles are changing, and that is not a bad thing. More men than women work outside the home, but due, in part to the economy, more and more women are either entering or re-entering the workplace, or are starting home-based businesses. As your children grow and opportunities open up for your wife to pursue her pen dreams, will you be there to support her.
To Make an Effort to Understand How She is Different Emotionally.
Guys, our job is not to change her to be more like a man, but to acknowledge and respect your differences.
To Be Honest at All Times and Always Do What Your Say You Will Do.
To be perfectly clear. When I talk about being honest here, I mean there is not room for lies about infidelity, addiction problems, or other important matters that reflect on who you are (such as belief systems or underlying medical problems). You need to hold yourself accountable for what’s important-the core issues, the crucial stuff, your promises.
To Share in Child Care and Domestic Work.
If you really want to mess this up just come home from the office and tell her you have already worked enough. Instead, come home, catch your breath and help out a little, without any drama. Trust me, this will get you some points.
To Be Attentive, Fun-Loving, and Adoring as You Were During Courtship, or Close to It.
I know you can have rough days, I spend my days with people who are in various states of crisis. I know it can be tough to be upbeat somedays, but do what you can. Studies of upbeat people show that they are less affected by bad events and bring about brighter responses in other people.
To Be Affectionate.
To your wife, affection means more than cuddling or holding her hands, and it definitely means more than wham-bam-thank-you ma’am. She desires a sense of closeness from you because knowing you are is paramount for her being able to stay in the relationship with you. For those of you that might need this simplified; if your wife doesn’t feel connected to you, she will leave you at some level.
No matter where you have been in your marriage, you can show up for work today. You can begin, right now to protect your career as a husband by treating this day as if it were your first day on a new job called marriage.
Forget Hollywood stereotypes, and don’t try to be the hero in some romance novel. Instead, apply some of your natural strengths to you job as a married man and see immediate improvement.
Focus on the benefits of marriage, not the day to day frustrations.
Show your wife the same traits that make you valuable as an employee: focus, discipline, reliability, devotion, loyalty, stability, intelligence, and flexibility.
Be determined to get better at this job of being a husband.
Learn from your mistakes and don’t get your eyes stuck in the rear view mirror of regrets.
Commit yourself to the duties and responsibilities of your marital job description and reassess your progress as you go along.
Next newsletter “ The Second Way: Know Your Wife.”
Psalm 37:5 “Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.
(c) 2011 John Thurman