Kids and Myspace

Mind Matters: Monitor what kids do online
John Thurman Sunday, June 4, 2006

University of New Mexico: What is the primary risk to kids with unrestricted access to the World Wide Web?

John Thurman: There are a lot of places your kids don't need to go via the Web that are very adult-oriented. Your child's safety is key. Kids flat-out shouldn't have unrestricted access, as there are predators on the Internet. Many of these are sexual predators surfing Web sites and chat rooms, and given too much information, they literally can show up at your door.
There's also a potential risk of identity theft for your child and family, especially when kids decide to use mom and dad's credit cards.
As a parent, you need to know where your kids are going, what they're doing and who they're doing it with. Your kids might not like it, but they aren't paying the bills, are they? When it comes to safety versus privacy, safety always should win out.

Thurman: First, pull the computer from your child's room. It should be in a place where what they're doing is easily monitored.
Second, use the parental controls in the software provided with the computer and consider adding an additional layer of protective software. Your kids might claim to be able to get around some of these obstacles - make them do it and find out.
If your child is a minor, he or she has direct access to a free account in chat rooms like MySpace - the top use-oriented Web page for kids. Kids tend to post photos and do a lot of blogging on MySpace, so there's the potential to unknowingly - or deliberately - share information that shouldn't be shared: addresses, account numbers, etc. A lot of kids already have such accounts, because there's no cost for joining, and their parents have no idea.

Thurman: Parents need to be parents. They need to monitor their kid's Internet use by both physically sitting in the room with a clock and by observing how the child is doing behaviorally. Be aware of your kids: Walk in on them unexpectedly when they're using the computer and see how they react. Too many parents think their kids won't go to adult Web sites - find out.
There are very useful programs that are "invisible" in most computers that track where your kids have gone via the Web. These programs show where your child logged-on and everywhere he or she went from there. This invisible software makes monitoring unknown to your child.
Technologically impaired parents can network and find folks who can help them see where their computer has been. Think about strategies of direct and indirect monitoring - walk-ins versus investigative software.

Thurman: Just like with TV, your kids can spend too much time on the computer. As a general rule, if the computer is taking away from family time, or you just sense it's too much, then speak to them about it. If they're on it too much, they'll express very loudly their opposition. If you think they've been on the Web too much, they probably have.
If they resist any computer limits you set, or sneak around them, then you need to create consequences, like loss of computer time or more restricted use with parents present with a timer. If your kids have a cell phone or car, these are great tools to use as consequences. But you have to impose a consequence immediately - take away the cell phone. Further, if your kids are going over to a friend's house, then you need to share information about computer restrictions with their friends. It might seem dorky or embarrassing, but who cares?

UNM: What about chat rooms? Are there some that appear to be safer than others?

Thurman: With a lot of youth-oriented chat rooms, there are predators who are not of age. And there are good chat rooms, too. You'll know what your child is doing if you periodically walk in on them unannounced. Your kids won't react negatively if they're on an appropriate site. As parents, you have to know what's going on; don't blindly trust your child. They haven't yet formulated good judgment and they know how to get around you. Parents have to step it up a notch and really be involved.

Thurman is a private practitioner in Albuquerque specializing in adolescent and parental counseling, as well as individual therapy. Mind Matters runs every other Monday. Have a question about mental health? Send it to lfrank@salud.unm.edu

This article was published in the Albuquerque Tribune in July 2006