John Thurman, Counselor, Speaker
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
professional Christian counselor, overcoming depression, Crisis Response Specialist, anxiety, infidelity recovery, affair proof marriages, men's issues,sexual addictions, infidelity,
John thinks most people in America are too quick to get divorced. You shouldn't get a divorce, he says, until you have turned over every stone and investigated every avenue of recovery and restoration possible. That means everything from reading books, attending a marriage class or going to a marriage counselor, to speaking to a pastor and spending time focusing on you and your role in what's going on.
What was your marriage like when it worked? What are some things you did right? Remember, before you fell out of love you were in love.
When did it go wrong? Where did you get off track? When did the hurts begin to feel impossible? Why?
Is what you're fighting about worth breaking up your marriage over?What do you want?What is it costing you to be in your relationship?
Are you willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work? What are you doing to contaminate the relationship?
He thinks that at least two important principles jump out of this verse. The first is to focus on what we have in common. You have invested time, effort, emotion, money, families and life itself with each other. Before ending the relationship look and see what you have in common, particularly if kids are involved.
The second point is that couples should have reality-based expectations. Nobody is perfect and part of living life is learning to love and accept people where they are. In a recent article, noted relationship expert John Gottmann stated. LOWER EXPECTATIONS
If you are considering divorce, try therapy first, it is cheaper than an attorney and therapist don¡¦t ask for a retainer. When looking for a therapist here are a couple of things to ask about, first, ask about their own marriage history. Second, inquire about their views on divorce. This is a very important point to ponder as their views will impact their counseling.
(c) 2010 John Thurman