John Thurman, Counselor, Speaker
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Marriage Repair Tools
Marriage Repair Kit (Steps you can take to restore passion in your marriage) by John Thurman
When I was a chaplain in a Army MASH unit our mission was to stabilize wounded patients by controlling their bleeding and getting their vitals normalized. We knew if we received the patient within the first hour, the golden hour, their chances of surviving were greatly increased. In most counseling and pastor¡¦s studies couples coming in for help are in many ways like a soldier who has been wounded badly-and they need immediate help. If you find yourself in this situation is not too late: You can release the negativity in your relationship and reconnect with your partner. It may not be easy, but here are some tips on where to even begin.
Here are five things you can do to move forward in your relationship.
First, Recognize that God has given you the power to redefine the relationship. After all the Lord says. Rev 21:5 "Look, I am making all things new!" (NLT) Even if you feel like a victim, you play a role in setting up what is and isn't acceptable in your marriage. Remember, with God all things are possible. You can do this but it won't be easy. Nothing in life is!
Second, Resist the self-based power struggle. Don't be a "right-fighter" you know "my way or the highway" type person. Is it worth destroying your marriage so you can be right in every argument? Instead try to encourage rather than criticize.
Third, Promise to work on your marriage every single day not just during the bad times, but also during the good ones. In recovery we say, How do you eat an elephant? A bite at a time. You didn't just wake up one day to a bad marriage, it took time, effort and maybe even some ill will. My wife and I have been together thirty two years this summer and recently a young woman asked my wife, How have you two stayed together this long? My wife responded, "We never quit on the same day! She was somewhat baffled and told my wife that she was looking for a more spiritual answer. To which my wife replied, "Honey is is an intenesly spiritual answer if means we meant what we said when we spoke our vow to each other in front of God and family.¡¨ It means we take our marriage seriously every day, good or bad.
Fourth, Plan together to renegotiate the relationship. Even patterns that you've had for 20 years can be changed.
Fifth, Remember your vows are about commitment, not method. And if you are like most couples you made those vows to God and to each other in front of a pastor, family and friends. If the methods you've been using aren't working, it's time to try new ones.
In summary: Get a Grip on the Reality of Your Relationship (John can help.)
Get a Grip on Your Personal Responsibility for you current situation
Get help if you need it (John provides individual and couples counseling, telephone consultations and webinars)
Get Free from the old habits and move into a revitalized relationship.
The Apostle Paul reminds us to stand firm and keep a strong grip on everything we taught you 2 Thess 2:15 (NLT)
Relationships can be challenging, but with God's help and the input of other you can learn to make it work.
If you have any questions email John
(c) 2006 John Thurman